Our attorney John “The White Michael Jordan of Lawyers” Johnson Begged us with a capital B to star in our website’s promotional video.  He said he’d stop “repra-zentin’ our asses” if we said no.  But how could we say no?  He could sell diarrhea to a princess.  Plus, he promised he’d win our latest case against the band ZZ Top for that “Unauthorized Beard Parody” fiasco.