12.29
100. ManiCure for Cancer
99. Typing Slow
98. Flying Stoned
97. Paula Poundstone’s Bush
96. Nyquil Cosmopolitans
95. Mythbusters: Special Holocaust Edition
94. Staring at Stairs, Having Stair Contests
93. Missing John Candy Farting at the Dinner Table
92. Hipster Cunt Force: Getting Terry Richardson’s Cum Stains Out of my Vintage Blouse
91. Remote Controlled Remote Controls
90. Watching an Aaron Katz film as Capital Punishment
89. Getting Stalked by a Drunken Michael Chiklis
88. 25-Cent Trash Bag
87. Mo’Nique Takin’ a Dump
86. Bret Michaels Looks Like One of my Mom’s Slutty Friends
85. Another Decade with Dealing with the Fact That My Mom is a Slut!
84. “Dear Dan Deacon, Have You Considered Doing Burlesque?” = My Favorite Joke I Wrote that Got Published in Chunklet #20
83. The Number 3987539458723094857
82. No Female Under 200 lbs. Wears Winkers Jeans
81. At the Drive-In Smell Like Impoverished Mexicans
80. The Pirates of the Carribean: A Beginner’s Guide to Hooking Up Stereo Equipment
79. Late Night Nigerian Phone Scams
78. Embarrassing Myself in front of Shonen Knife
77. No, I Don’t Care for Second Helpings of Peanut Butter Steak
76. Missing Children that Rock!
75. Pass the Clorox, Rebecca!
74. Harold and Kumar Think McDonalds Sucks Too
73. A Cat with a GED
72. Butt Sex
71. Luxury Trailer Parks in Pensacola
70. American Idol: Now Accepting Green Cards!
69. Falling Asleep in an Igloo
68. Old Jewish Ladies with Air Jordans
67. Shitting in One of Judah Friedlander’s Trucker Hats
66. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy Sightings at the Local Unemployment Office
65. Giving Birth to Super Glue
64. Aspiring Hipster Filmmakers Digging Up Andrei Tarkovsky’s Corpse and Sucking Its Dick
63. Junior High Students That Are Still Illiterate
62. Wham City Keeping Retarded Person’s Active Wear in Business
61. Fat People That Can Do Acrobatics
60. An iPhone App That Will Shut the Fuck Up For Once
59. Drunk Driving at Ground Zero
58. Tandy Laptops
57. Jacking Off at Wrigley Field During the National Anthem
56. You Can’t Stab a Ghost
55. Milwaukee = The Newark of the Midwest
54. Getting Yelled at in Hebrew
53. Barbershop 2: The IMAX Experience
52. That One Scarlett Johansson Tom Waits Covers Album That I Ended Up Not Buying
51. The Fast and the Furious Proving Once and For All That Asians are Violent Assholes
50. Shooting Heroin With a Yeti
49. Alright, Margaret Cho, We Get It, You’re Not Into Cock
48. Hearing Gunshots
47. Peeing the KISS Logo in the Snow
46. Not Going Surfing
45. Fucking a Girl While Skrewdriver is Playing in the Background
44. Meth Addiction
43. Mount Rushmore Needs a Makeover!
42. Nobody Celebrating the First Black Person to Ever Shop at Urban Outfitters
41. A Newborn Baby’s Asshole is Not a Very Smart Place to Hide your Weed
40. Whores
39. Clocking Out of Work Just to Memorize the Preamble of the Constitution
38. Vomiting on Miranda July (Literally and Metaphorically)
37. Designer Diapers
36. Melting a Grown Man’s Emotions
35. Giving Up on Wii Fit After an Hour
34. Filming Steinjive‘s Climax at Cake Shop While Enduring the Most Painful Hangover Ever
33. Larry Bird’s Jersey Number
32. The I Can Haz Cheezburgr Craze Being the Dumbest Shit Ever
31. Falling in Love with Outdated Appliances
30. Wiping Your Ass with Pages Ripped Out of Vice Hurts
29. Nick Nolte’s Mugshot
28. Fucking a Swiss Chick who Appeared on the Mike’s Apartment Porn Site a Year Later
27. Audible Cocaine
26. Overweight Mexicans Who Wear Bam Bam Bigelow’s Shirt
25. People Who Still Have Telemarketing Jobs
24. Realizing Patti Smith isn’t Really a Man
23. Farting During my First Viewing of Donnie Darko
22. A Testicular Cancer Fundraiser Benefit that Doesn’t Involve Shitty Bands
21. Firefighters Are the Real Heroes. Also, that show Heroes Doesn’t Have any Firefighters in it.
20. Perez Hilton is Like a Dick-Gasping, Fat Malcolm McLaren that Likes Shitty Music
19. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Should Adopt More Scottish Babies
18. Not Recognizing Yourself In the Mirror
17. Negrophobia
16. Celebrating Every HIV Negative Test Result by Spending Hundreds of Dollars at Dave and Buster’s
15. David Beckham Kicking Juno in her Pregnant Stomach
14. Each Member of Aerosmith Looks Lost
13. Using Sriracha as Shampoo
12. Jim Jarmusch at a Walgreens, Picking Up a Bottle of Just For Men, Contemplating a Purchase, then Putting it Back on the Shelf
11. “Chocolate Rain” is Not a Very Good Song at All
10. The Laughter of a Homicide Unit Finding Someone Brutally Murdered While Wearing a Snuggie
9. Hot Mule
8. A Blind Person Saying, “See You Later!”
7. German Coconuts
6. Martin Lawrence’s Wife Forgot to Wash her Pussy, Again
5. People on Mad Men who Chew Tobacco as Opposed to Smoking It
4. Lobsters that Rap
3. Having a Breathtaking Ass
2. Peeing on Sushi
1. Having a Heart Attack at Starbucks, Like, When It’s Totally Busy